Purposeful Parenting
Sermon By Pastor David Walker
In Ephesians chapter 6, God’s Word provides foundational instruction for the home. As part of the series A Healthy Home, the Bible records in
Ephesians 6:1-4 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”
Pastor David Walker preached previously about wonderful wives, honorable husbands, a family checkup, and biblical motherhood. In this message, the focus is on purposeful parenting. Paul writes in Ephesians 6:1-4 to Christians regarding their home life.
What is a Christian home?
Pastor David Walker defines a Christian home as one where prayers are prayed and the Bible is read. Just because a family is saved does not automatically mean they have a Christian home. To clarify from a technical standpoint: the Bible states in Acts 11:26 that “…the disciples were called Christians first in Antioch.”
Furthermore, Peter writes in 1 Peter 4:16, “Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf.” The word Christian is a label placed upon believers from the outside because of their actions. An individual can be saved and begin living like the devil, and nobody on the outside would know they are a believer. Merely having saved parents and children under one roof does not guarantee a truly Christian home. Homes must be examined introspectively: Is my home a Christian home?
Curtis Hutson once said: “The home is the man’s kingdom, the woman’s world, and the child’s paradise. The husband is the head of the home, the woman is the heart of the home, and the children are the happiness in the home.” That is how it ought to be. A home should be a haven from this world. Unfortunately, much of the world has invaded Christian homes. While churches strive to keep the world out, believers must also keep the world out of their homes and take God’s instructions seriously.
A story is told of a Jewish rabbi seated on an airplane next to an atheist. Several rows back sat the rabbi’s children and grandchildren. Periodically throughout the long flight, his children and grandchildren would check on him, asking, “Papa, do you need anything?” and waiting on him with deep reverence. The atheist remarked, “Your kids seem to really respect you. They check on you the whole flight, and they really seem to love and respect you. My grandkids don’t respect me at all.” The rabbi replied, “For me and for my children, when they look at me, they see me just a few generations removed from our forefathers and our Jewish faith—from Moses and Abraham, who spoke directly to God. But when your kids see you, you’re just a few generations removed from an ape.” Pastor David Walker has often noted regarding public school curricula: when children are taught that they came from animals and are animals, society should not be surprised when they act like animals.
Purposeful parenting contains two primary aspects from the text.
I. Children: Comply, Don’t Defy
The first instruction is directed toward children and young people. The Bible commands:
Ephesians 6:1 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.”
Children are called to comply with the rules rather than defy them. The Lord demands obedience from children because He knows what they need.
Colossians 3:20 “Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.”
The Lord desires young people to be pleasing unto Him, and obeying parents brings pleasure to God. Not only is obedience right, but it is also rewarded with a long life.
Ephesians 6:2-3 “Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.”
This echoes the fifth commandment:
Exodus 20:12 “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.”
Pastor David Walker recalls thinking as a youth that failing to obey his father might cut his life short, remembering the old adage: “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it.” Yet God attaches a direct promise to honoring mother and father. It is noble to honor parents, even as children grow older. The only complaint Pastor David Walker has about holidays like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day is scheduling them on Sunday, because church attendance should remain the priority over reunions and travels. When a society ceases to honor ancestors, parents, elders, and authorities, it crumbles—that is what we see in our society today.
God blesses those who care for their mothers and fathers. Scripture contains no clause stating, “Honor them only if they were good parents.” The command is simply to give honor to whom honor is due.
Learning obedience in youth produces a lasting ripple effect. Children who learn to submit to God-given authority in the home will be equipped for life. Everyone will eventually answer to an authority figure, whether an employer or a police officer on a street corner. Pastor David Walker holds the utmost respect for law enforcement officers who constantly deal with negativity while facing public disrespect. God instituted human government, and respecting authority begins in formative years.
Parents must also back up school authorities: when a student misbehaves, the teacher is generally in the right, not the child. The cultural shift from holding children accountable to blaming teachers and coaches has fostered an entitled generation that avoids work, leading to societal decay. We’re already checking out and packing our own grocery stores. One day, we will be picking our own fruits and vegetables at the farm because no one wants to do it.
Learning respect at home matters because a father figure is a child’s earliest earthly picture of God. Pastor David Walker both feared and loved his own father. He feared him because disobedience brought discipline, yet he loved him because his father never punished him out of anger, meanness, or aggravation. That healthy discipline taught Pastor David Walker that defiance brings repercussions, because we are rebels by nature.
Young people must develop their own biblical convictions. Faith cannot merely rest on what parents believe; young people must personally know Jesus as Savior and take the Bible as their own. They must believe for themselves that it is wrong to use drugs, get drunk, live in fornication, use profanity, listen to ungodly music, engage in pre-marital sex, and forsake church.
Many young people who once filled church pews departed when they grew up, either choosing contemporary churches or abandoning church altogether because godly convictions were never solidified. Parents must realize that their children are individual free agents who must ultimately respond to or reject the legacy passed down to them.
Parents cannot carry unbearable guilt if an adult child rebels. The children are their own person. However, parents must remember this sober principle: what you practice in moderation, your children will practice in excess. If church is not a priority or optional for the parents, it will be nonexistent for the children once they leave home. The most impactful sermons preached in a child’s life do not come from the church pulpit; they come from the kitchen table, the car ride, daily conversations, and parental attitudes.
II. Parents: Parent Them, Don’t Provoke Them
Ephesians 6:4 “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”
1. The Approach: Fathers Must Lead
Fathers are commanded to lead—to be their dads rather than dictators. In Luke 15, the prodigal son left his father’s house because he wanted to escape the rules, yet when he hit bottom, he had confidence that his father was merciful enough to receive him back. God has firm rules, boundaries, and holy chastening. You can’t live like the devil in God’s house.
Hebrews 12:6 “For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.”
Yet, as portrayed in the parable of the prodigal son, the Father’s heart remains open to the repentant. The dads have to lead. The home must mirror that grace.
Quoting Adrian Rogers, the central problem facing youth today is not merely delinquent teenagers, but delinquent, dropout fathers. During Pastor David Walker’s years preaching in juvenile detention centers—even among teenagers incarcerated for murder—the overwhelming majority came from homes without a father, or had fathers engaged in criminal lifestyles and are in prison themselves. An alcoholic father has an alcholic son. A drug abuser father has a drug abuser son. A life of drunkenness and substance abuse is frequently duplicated by children.
1 Thessalonians 5:22 “Abstain from all appearance of evil.”
2. The Lessons: Mothers Provide Instruction
The home also requires the teaching of mothers.
Proverbs 1:8 “My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother:”
Both parents must stand on the same page. If a child attempts to divide parents by claiming, “Mom said it was okay,” parental unity must prevent the manipulation. The mother provides consistent lessons, backed by the father’s authority, maintaining order within the home.
Adrian Rogers aptly warned: “We train our dogs and we don’t train our kids. Then we tie up the dogs at night and let our kids run wild.” Society readily enrolls children in vocational, academic, and athletic training, yet often neglects biblical instruction. J. Vernon McGee previously observed that the greatest crisis among Christians in America is biblical illiteracy. We teach our kids everything – except the Bible. Otherwise, the Sunday schools would be filled. Families must read the Scriptures, study them, and memorize them together. Have you ever trained your kids in memorizing the Bible? Do you ask your kids Bible questions and vice versa? Biblical instruction should never be wielded as an arbitrary paddle—such as ordering a child to read Chronicles as punishment—which only fosters resentment. Please do not punish your kids with the Bible or else, they will resent it. Don’t provoke your children.
Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
Author and commentator John Phillips wrote:
“Children are little people. They are not mindless objects to be bossed and bullied. They are people who have thoughts, feelings, hopes, fears, likes and dislikes. As children grow older, winds of change blow over their developing bodies, minds and personalities. Life becomes more complex and decisions more significant. But children are people and must be respected as people. Because they are little people, they need constant supervision, counsel and limits.”
It’s a blessing to see good parents and grandparents in the church. The kids are constantly requiring supervision, 24-7. But, the investment is eternal. The ultimate aim is to lead children to fall in love with Jesus Christ, disregarding worldly trends and running the race according to God’s Word.
Think about your attitude, your words, and do not provoke the children.
3. The Aim: Nurture and Admonition
Children must be taught convincingly, consistently, creatively, conversationally, and conspicuously. The pre-teen and early teenage years (ages 10 through 14) are foundational and formative. By the time young people reach late adolescence, they ought to be mature adults capable of navigating society as confident Christians, rather than remaining dependent children who have been dumbed down by modern culture. You ought to bring up your children so they can lean on Christ, get a job, be useful in society. They should be able to make their own decisions.
Bringing children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord requires three practices:
1. Talk: Parents must converse with their children about their faith. Teach them. Ask them about their faith. Let them talk about it.
2. Teach: Parents must actively ground their children in truth. While church ministries such as Sunday school, youth events, Vacation Bible School, and youth camp are valuable tools, the church was never designed to replace the home. God instituted marriage—one man and one woman for life—and the family long before He established the nation of Israel or the local church. The church exists to supplement what parents do at home. A weekly sermon cannot sustain a soul that starves all week without personal Bible study and prayer. Make sure the kids are reading the Bible everyday.
Deuteronomy 6:6-9 “And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.”
It’s not the Sunday school teacher’s fault. “Do as I say, not as I do” – if you smoke, and tell the kids not to do it, it’s hypocritical. Pastor Walker cannot force everyone to go to Wednesday service and Sunday service. A lot of churches are closing down because no one wants to come to church. People want to relax at home, watch the game, instead of going to church. We put a lot of pressure on the church and ministry but it’s not correct.
3. Test: Parents must allow children opportunities to test their convictions and exercise faith before they leave the home. If they can’t pass the test while they’re in your house, how are they going to pass it when they leave the house?
Children are the most significant heritage God entrusts to parents. The calling of purposeful parenting is to raise them for God and pass down an authentic legacy of faith in Jesus Christ, nurturing them in the admonition of the Lord.
Original audio: https://www.sermonaudio.com/sermons/61024020232907